Parents worry when kids spend hours playing video games – and so they should.

I have nothing against video games or against children playing them (especially if they are pretty non-violent).  But when children spend hours every day playing these games parents should be concerned.

There are three reasons children spend hours playing these games.  You need to know what they are and what you can do about them.

1. Games as habit

Games are designed to keep players involved and to limit the number of ways players can stop the game or get out of a sequence of events.  They encourage players to get to higher and higher levels and children want to take the games as far as they can.  These games are created to be addictive and some children will still play them even when they no longer get much pleasure from the game.

Habits can be hard to break.

2.  Games as  fun

Again, they are designed to be fun to play and if there is nothing else in your child’s life that is fun it can be quick and easy for your child to turn to video games as a way of getting the fun and excitement that he is missing in the rest of his life.

3.  Games as escapism

This is the scary one.  Sometimes children play video games as a way of escaping bad situations.  Playing video games stops a child mind from thinking about other things and if there is something that the child is having problems coping with and that is hurtful to think about playing video games is an excellent way of avoiding doing any hurt and pain.

Children escape into video games when they cannot handle what is happening around them.  They may be being bullied in school, something painful may have happened at home, they may be struggling to learn in school.

And thy feel that there is nothing they can do about it.

So they escape into playing video games.  For the time they are doing this their mind is so full of the game that they have no space left to feel the hurt that is inside them.

These children have very little self esteem. Without self esteem the child is unable or unwilling to do anything that takes effort or that might make him have to handle his thoughts and feelings.

Self esteem is one of the 12 crucial skills children need to be able to learn.  Even more important it is an essential skill or attitude to living one’s life.  Without self esteem nothing seems worthwhile and it is easier to escape into the fantasy world of video games than try to handle life’s problems.

If you are worried about the amount of time your child plays video games you need to find out why he is doing this.

Is it because it has become  a habit? Then you need to find ways to break the habit.  One way might be to offer your child an attractive alternative.  Only you will know what that will be.

Is it because your child’s life is devoid of fun and excitement?  He might need you to help him find situations where he has fun and where life can be exciting.  This might take up some of your time but better that you help your child have fun than leaving him to find fun in inappropriate ways.

Or is it that your child is trying to escape a bad situation?  Has your child’s self esteem taken a knock?  If this is the case you may not be able to solve the problem and you will need to turn to others who can help your child work through the pain and regain his love of life.

There is always a reason why kids spend hours playing video games.  If you are concerned about your child it is time to get him the help he, and you,need.

Want to know more?  Let’s discuss the problem

Help with learning at home is the single biggest factor influencing your child’s achievement in school.

In fact research shows that you are up to six times more important to your child’s academic success than the teaching your child gets in school.

Six times!

Mothers and fathers who take an active interest in education and help with schoolwork  can transform children’s chances of doing well in school – regardless of family income.

Wow! Words like ‘six times’ and ‘transform’ don’t often sneak into research reports yet here they are in the same report.

You have the biggest influence when your child is young, between the ages of three and seven, but your influence with older children is still very strong.

The research showed that if all school were equally good some seven year old would still be better achievers than others.  Why? because of the ways their parents helped them at home.

What help did the parents of successful students give their child?  Did they tutor them in math skills?  Did they pressure them to get homework finished?  Did they give them extra work to do?

No.

Mothers and fathers do four things that make a difference:

1. Offer a stable learning environment

This could include set homework times, set place to work, work schedule for all to see, regular meal times, understanding that they will go to school meetings, getting kids ready for school each morning.

2.Provide intellectual stimulation

Such as having books and magazines around the house, taking the child to the library and the park, letting him or her have friends round, talking about what thy watch on TV.

3.Regularly include their child in family talks and decision making

Including children in decision making helps them develop skills of responsibility and caring.  Discussions help children increase their vocabulary.  Being involved in family life builds a child’s self confidence and self esteem.

4.Have high aspirations for their child’s learning

Parents take education seriously.  They know that a good education is the key to their child’s future. They expect their children to do all they can to learn and do well in school and are willing to provide extra support when the child needs it.  Children pick up on their parent’s feelings about education and try to do their best as a result.

You don’t have to be a genius, or very rich, or very well educated to have six times more influence on your child’s learning than teachers.

All you need is to understand how important you are to your child’s success and know how to do some simple things to make sure that your influence makes a difference.

If you are not sure how you can do this – contact me and we will talk!

There is a student strike in part of Canada.  Some University students are furious about increases in tuition fees  (they pay the least of all Canadian students at present and want to keep it that way).  They say that higher fees will prevent students getting the education they need.

OK, so they are fighting for what they believe in, but are they right?

Maybe not.

It seems that tuition costs  are not the main factor that decides whether or not a student goes to university.  The biggest factor is what grades a student had at age 15!  Yes, it is not even the grades students get in the last few years of schooling.  Over 80% of students who attend university say that they knew they were going by the end of Grade 10!

The end of Grade 10, long before anyone starts thinking about tuition fees, long before final exams, long before selecting a place to go.

The final two grades are just icing on the cake. The real decision point about college or not college comes way before then.

So what does this mean for you, the parents?

It means that you are more important than ever.  It means that no matter what your financial situation you can help your child get into college. It means that you have the opportunity to ensure that your child earns millions more in their lifetime.

Let me quote the article I was reading …

” If a young person is brought up in an environment where the value and importance of post-secondary education is stressed, if they see university as a real option in their life and if they begin to prepare for it at an early age, they are likely to go. The money will be found.“

A university degree is not about the money. It is about how you help your child prepare for their future.  It is about the way you help your child develop the attitude and skills he or she needs to become a confident, lifelong learner.

Just image …

… how proud you will feel when you go to watch your son or daughter at their graduation ceremony

… how relaxed you will be knowing that your child has the best chance of getting a great job and earning a good income

… how fulfilled you will feel knowing that you have helped your child achieve the future of their dreams

You can do this.  In fact you are the only person who can.  Don’t lose the chance to help your child succeed.  Research proves that it is YOU who makes the difference.  Find out exactly what you can do to ensure that your child succeeds.

It is not that hard – you just need to know what to do and then do it.

Here’s to your child’s future and you might want to start looking for that perfect dress for the graduation ceremony!

Let’s face it.  You know your child better than anyone else.

You know all his or her quirks of behavior. Quirks such as not eating broccoli when it has gravy on it, or putting their favorite toy in one special place each night.  You also know how your child normally behaves with you and others.

You should. You are the person who has known your child the longest, and who has spent more hours looking after your child that anyone else.

So you know when your child is feeling unhappy about something, or not progressing as quickly as he or she should be.  And you do something about it. Right?

Wrong!

In my experience most parents know when their child is having trouble learning, is unhappy in school, needs extra learning support, but very few do anything about it other than worry and hope the situation gets better.

A few brave parents may bring up their concerns at the next parent/teacher meeting but these parents are usually told to wait a while, that the child is still developing, that everything will turn out OK if only they give their child time.

I know this is how it works, because to my everlasting shame, it is what I used to do before I knew better.

Then you go away from the meeting still worried but convinced that the teacher knows better than you so you must be worrying for no reason.  But that nagging fear never quite goes away.

I have seen it happen time and time again.  Parents being told that teachers know the child better than parents do.  Teachers telling parents that they are not worried about the child so why should the parents be concerned?

And because you have been discouraged from doing anything about your concerns your child never gets the help he or she needs to overcome their problem.

I don’t want another parent to ever have to put up with this.  I don’t want another child to ever be prevented from  getting help because you didn’t follow through on your concerns.

Trust your instincts, and do something about them.

In case you are still thinking that teachers know better than you let me tell you what the research says.

Are you ready for this?

“Parents are surprisingly good at knowing when something is up with their child  (85% correlation) but they may not understand what it is.”

That is the conclusion from research at the University of BC.

So don’t be put off  when a teacher tells you to stop worrying and that everything will be OK in time.

Trust your instincts and make sure that your child gets the help he or she needs before it is too late and that niggling issue becomes a full blown problem

Don’t get me wrong.  Tutors can help some children learn more and get better grades.  But not all children benefit from tutoring, no matter how good the tutor or the tutoring program.  And you end up paying a small fortune for something that does not work for your child.

I know because I have worked with many parents who discover that tutoring was not what their child needed.

John had paid for his  son go to a Sylvan Tutoring Program for a year before he decided it wasn’t working.  His son had not advanced as much as was promised and he seemed to be wasting his money.  There was nothing wrong with the program, and he was offered more tutoring for free (in line with their guarantee) but he decided it just wasn’t worth it.

As he said, if tutoring hadn’t worked the first time why should it work the next time?

That’s when he came to me for help.

After discussing the issues and doing a diagnostic learning assessment it became obvious that his son was a bright boy but that he was handling so many emotional issues that there was no space in his brain for learning.

All the tutoring in the world was not going to fix his son’s problems.

Once John understood exactly what type of help his son needed he found a counselor and began to see his son recover from his issues.  There was no quick fix for this child’s problems but he was on the right road to recovery, a road that tutoring did not help him find.

So why is tutoring not always the best way to support a child’s learning?

Tutoring, the best kind of tutoring, is designed to help children learn more ‘stuff’.  It helps children catch up on missed schooling or on subjects that have not been learned well.

But what about children who are struggling to learn not because they don’t know how to learn?  What about children who are doing all the right things but still can’t seem to get ahead?

Tutoring may not be the answer to their learning problems.

Tutoring does not discover why children struggle to learn. At best tutors and tutoring programs find out what your child knows and what he or she needs to learn next.  The assessments they use measure your child’s level of learning and place him or her on an appropriate program. Tutoring gives your child ‘more school’, more of what he or she is already failing at doing.

Imagine what that can do to your child’s self confidence!

Tutoring fixes symptoms of learning difficulties but never discovers the cause of the problem.  If you send your child to a tutor before you know why your child is struggling to learn you may not be giving your child the support he or she needs.

Not only could you be wasting money – you could be stopping your child getting the help they really need to succeed.

Tutoring may not be the answer you are looking for.  Discover what support your child really needs before you waste money on something that doesn’t work.

“Where can I find a tutor for my child?”    I hear it all the time.   Parents who are worried about their child’s education see tutoring as a way of helping their child learn more, and more must be good right?

Wrong.

I have nothing against good tutors but getting a tutor for your child is not always the best thing you can do.  In fact, in some situations it can make things worse. Some children do not need ‘more school’ they need something else.

I have known parents spend a fortune on tutoring  only to have that child get more and more frustrated by their inability to learn.  I have spoken to parents who have enrolled their child in  tutoring programs that guaranteed success only to have their child repeat and repeat sessions until they were sick of trying to learn.

All because the child did not need a tutor, someone who gave them ‘more school’.  Tutoring was not the answer to their learning issues.

But tutoring can help some students.  I have seen children who were failing get turned around when they had a tutor that met their learning needs.

So when does tutoring work? When does a child benefit from having out of school help from a qualified tutor?

Here are 7 situations when students need tutoring:

1. When they are behind in one subject

If your child is struggling in one subject in school then he or she needs a tutor.  The chances are that your child has not understood one important concept and this is stopping him from understanding the rest of the course.

This happened to me in High School.  I ended up failing Latin (?!) because I mixed up two parts of speech and never got them sorted out until it was way too late.  I knew there was a problem but I had no idea what it was. If my parents could have afforded a tutor all would have been resolved.  However, surprisingly perhaps, I have managed to live my life quite well without knowing much Latin.

But beware! If your child is struggling with more than one subject tutoring is not the answer!!

2. Missed lessons

Teachers are on a tight timeline. They have to get through the school curriculum and can rarely find the time to go over lessons that have been missed. If your child has been away from school because of illness, family upsets, or vacations tutoring will help your child catch up.

This is short term tutoring and should be done in conjunction with the school teachers who can tell you what your child needs to learn.

3. Change of school

All schools work differently and when your child changes schools she might miss some important lessons.  Her last teacher may not have taught them yet but her new teacher may already have covered that topic.

A tutor can look at the curriculum of the new school, check what your child has already learned, and fill in the gaps.  This type of tutoring needn’t be long term.

4. Extra curricular activities

Schools cannot teach all the things you want your child to learn. If you want your child to learn to play the piano and the school does not give children piano lessons – you need a tutor.

You will need one tutor, or several different tutors, for as long as you want your child to learn.

5. Exam preparation

This is short term, intensive tutoring that can really help a student revise or prep for an exam.  Don’t leave it too late.  Tutors may need several weeks to prepare a student well.

6. Poor teaching

OK, it has to be said.  Some teachers are better than others and if you really think that your child’s teacher is not doing a good job you may need to supplement the classroom instruction with tutoring.

This is not to be undertaken lightly.   You could be paying for tutoring for a whole year or until your child gets a better teacher.

7. When your child asks asks for one

Some students know when they could benefit from tutoring.  This can happen  when they are doing really well in class but think that they need to be stretched more.  Or it can happen when they are struggling with a specific subject and know that they need help – possibly even before you do!

If your child asks for a tutor you need to discuss this with him and find a solution that works for everyone.

So, if your child fits any of the above situations you might want to get a tutor.  But beware – these are the only reasons children need a tutor.  If your child is struggling to learn more than one school subject a tutor will not help.

You will be wasting both your money and your child’s time.

Does your child really need a tutor?  If you are not sure call me and we can discuss what your child really needs.

The main reason elementary school teachers give children homework is because you want your child to have homework.

Here are some of your reasons.

*  It keeps your child busy in the evening

* You think it increases your child’s learning

* It helps you understand what your child is learning in class

* You think that your child will get behind if he doesn’t do homework

* You want your child to ‘get ahead’ and see homework as making this happen

* The teacher expects your child to do homework

* You always had homework when you were in school

* It stops your child mixing with the wrong crowd

* You give your child extra homework just to be on the safe side

* You think that your child should be learning more than he is in class

* You believe that Practice Makes Perfect

* You want your child to keep up with other children in class

* You think that the school day is too short and that children need more learning time

* You want your child to get top marks and see homework as a way of making this happen

*  Isn’t homework something that everyone has to do?

How many of these apply to you?  Perhaps it is time to rethink why you like your child to have homework, times have changed and educational practice has changed with them.  Many teachers do not like to give homework to young children and worry when parents insist that their child has homework and even gives their child extra homework to do after the school work has been finished!

A parent told me that she gave her son extra writing practice when he had finished his schoolwork.  She wanted to know how to keep him motivated to do this work.  Her son is 5 years old!  This mother is making learning such a burden for her child that he may never enjoy it.

Homework can be a wonderful thing if it is given for the right reasons and at the right time.

What do you think?

We’ve all been there.  The kind of evening when you have to cook dinner, drive your youngest to soccer practice, finish a report for work, and your son tells you that he has a school project due tomorrow that he hasn’t even started yet!

And we all know what comes next.

You get annoyed because you weren’t told about this homework project, you start to yell at your child – and maybe even your spouse.  You have no idea how you are going to get everything done in time AND help your son get his project finished in time to hand it to the teacher tomorrow.  You get frustrated because no matter how hard you try to juggle everything in your life there is just not enough time in the day to get everything done.

You are stressed and exhausted and family life suffers as a result.

It’s called The Homework Hassle.  Too little time, too much pressure, and too much stress on family life.

I can’t help with dinner or soccer practice but I can give you some tips on how to avoid it.

1.  Set up expectations around homework help.

Talk to your child about what type of help he need and what type of help you are willing to offer.

Does he want you around while he is working or would he rather work in his room?

Will he ask for help before he gets has tried to do the work or will he try first and then ask for help?

How will he ask for help, what words will he use?

What if you are busy?  How will you handle that situation?

When should he ask for your help and when should he ask his teacher or a friend or his brother?

It really doesn’t matter what the answers are as long as you both agree.  Once you have set up expectations about asking for help you both know what to expect and there are fewer surprises all round.

2. Know what the teacher expects you to do.

Does the teacher expect you to help your child with homework?

What type of help does he or she expect you to be giving?

Do you tell the teacher when your child is struggling with homework, and do you know how much homework the teacher expects your child to be doing each night?

Does your child regularly bring home a homework schedule?

When you know this you can remind your child about upcoming projects, help him or her organize homework time and report back to the teacher if there are any problems.

3. Let your child take the responsibility for getting homework finished.

Your child has to learn to take responsibility for his or her learning.  And the sooner he or she learns this lesson the better.  You want your child to be an independent learner – so let them learn how to be one.

Tell your child that you will be around if help is needed but that if  the homework  does not get done – for whatever reason – he or she is responsible for explaining why, and for handling the consequences.

What you must do is to let your child know that, if he or she has tried hard to do the work and still failed, you will tell his teacher this and get him the help he needs.

4.   Try to keep to a routine

It is much easier for you and your child if homework gets done at about the same time and in the same place each evening.  Once you set up a routine you don’t have to spend energy thinking about what to do and this energy can be directed towards doing the work.

Set up a routine that fits your lifestyle.  Build in ‘talking time’, time when you and your child review the day and discuss any issues that have arisen.  Keep all equipment and books in the same place so they are easy to find.

5. Relax!

Don’t worry if your child hates doing homework, there are educators who question the usefulness of homework, especially for young children.

If your child doesn’t get his homework finished the world will not come to an end!

If you follow the tips above you can avoid the Homework Hassle and everyone will be happier.  And you will have time to give your child the learning support he or she really needs.

Parents who are stressed and exhausted by helping with homework feel that way because they make their child’s homework their problem rather than their child’s.  And it needn’t be that way!

Here are three things that you can stop doing right now so that the stress and exhaustion disappears.

Stop trying to ‘teach’ your child

You know the situation.  Your child can’t do the work that has been set so you try to show him or her how to do it.  You end up ‘teaching’ your child – and this is so not your job!

No wonder you get stressed.

Stop doing your child’s work.

Many parents are so hurried and anxious that they do their child’s homework for them!  Parents  have stayed up late to get a child’s project finished for a school deadline!

Whose homework is this?

Stop nagging your child to do their homework.

How many times do you remind your child that she has homework to do?  Does she resent your nagging? I bet she does!

You get stressed over something that is not your problem.

So what can you do to avoid the stress and to stop your child’s homework being your problem.

*  If you try to teach your child how to do the work chances are that you are not using the same method as the teacher – result – confusion.

Tell the teacher.

If your child is struggling to do his homework his teacher needs to know.  For one reason or another your child has not learned how to do the work. It is his teacher’s responsibility to make sure that he knows what to do.  A good teacher will welcome being told that your child has a problem and will either reteach the lesson or give you some tips about how to help your child.

* If you are doing your child’s work for him you are stopping your child learning.

Homework is set so that your child practices or demonstrates what he has learned. If you do your child’s homework the teacher is going to know how well  YOU can do the work, not your child.

Now, if you want to show how clever you are go ahead – just don’t expect your child to get anything out of it!

Discover why your child does not get their work finished.  Is it too hard?  Too  boring?  Takes too long? Once you know the reason you can do something about it.

* If you nag your child to get homework done you are stopping your child taking responsibility for their own learning as well as risking your relationship with your child.

Stop nagging!

The more you nag the more you take away your child’s sense of responsibility about their work.  Your child stops thinking about when he has to do the work because he knows that you will remind him – again, and again, and again!

Set up reasonable expectations around doing homework such as homework will be done straight after dinner or before anyone watches TV.  make sure that your child agrees to them, then exoect your child to take the responsibility of keeping to them.

Remember, homework is not your problem.  You have other things to worry about and to do. If you spend your time worrying about your child’s homework these will not get done and your child will miss the learning opportunities only you can give him.

Homework is for your child to do – not you!  Stop making it your problem and start doing things that will really make a difference to your child’s school success.

If you want tips on how to do this sign up for my free CD and you will also get my newsletter full of tips on the right way to help your child succeed in school.

You try to help your child succeed in school by helping with homework.  Every parent does this. Helping with homework can be a very useful way for you to understand what your child is doing in school and whether he is finding school work easy or difficult.

Helping with homework is easy, right?  After all we have  been to school and we know what homework is all about.

Wrong!!

There is an art to helping a child with homework and until you understand what it is you may be falling into some of the unseen dangers that are waiting to catch you out and make life difficult for both you and your child.

Here is my list of 5 unseen dangers. If you recognize any of them (or maybe even all of them!!) then you need to change how you help your child before the worst happens – because it will!

Unseen danger #1 - Confusing your child

When your child tells you that, ” We don’t do it that way in school!”, you know that you are about to confuse your child even more than he or she already is.  When parents try to help kids do their work in ways that are different from the ways the teacher has told them to do it they can get so confused that they just give up in despair.

Solution – Stop helping your child and find out how the teacher is teaching your child, or make sure that the teacher knows he or she needs help.

Unseen danger #2  – Making your child feel foolish

Either consciously or sub consciously it is easy to help a child in a way that makes him or her feel foolish for not being able to do the work. You know when this happens.  You or your child get frustrated and upset because things are not going well.  This results in your child feeling stupid because he can’t do the work you ask him to do.

Solution – Never assume that your child can’t do the work because he is lazy or has not paid attention in class.  Assume that there is a problem with the way he was taught rather than the way he learns.  Then ask the teacher how he can be helped.

Unseen danger #3 – Stopping your child getting the help he needs

If you do your child’s homework (or most of it) because your child can’t do it your child’s teacher might never know that your child is struggling to learn.  As a result he or she will not review the lesson or get your child the help he or she needs.

Solution – If your child can’t do the work – tell his teacher!  It is not your job to teach your child how to do his schoolwork.

Unseen danger #4 – Putting extra pressure on yourself

I have known parents spend hours each evening helping a child with their homework. I have had parents crying on the phone because they were worn out and exhausted.  Parents come home from work only to cook dinner and then start helping their child.  The stress can be enormous.

Solution -  Just don’t do it.  Homework is for your child to do, not you. If your child is spending hours finishing work or worrying about not getting it right you need to acknowledge that your child has problems and say that you will get the teacher to help.  NOT YOU!  It is the teacher’s job to teach your child ‘school learning’ – not yours.  You have a more important job to do and if you spend time doing the teacher’s job you will have no time left to do it.

Unseen danger #5 – shattering the special relationship between you and your child

The frustration, confusion, disappointment and even anger that builds up around doing homework is a sure way of destroying your relationship with your child.  When this happens everyone suffers and family life is no fun.  PLEASE do not let homework get in the ay of everyday living, it is just not worth it.

Solution - Get the help you need to change the situation.  Get this help either from a knowledgeable teacher or from someone like me – who knows how to stop homework help ruining home life and how to make helping your child the fun, exciting process it is meant to be.

There are more hidden dangers than the 5 I have mentioned above – but by now you should be so scared that you seek the help you need.

My job here is done.