Learning problems don’t happen overnight.  There are always some early warning signs that your child is struggling to learn.  Ignore these signs at your peril!

If you recognize when your child is beginning to have difficulty learning you can do something to stop it turning into a real problem, one which could take years to sort out.  And you are the best person to notice these early signs, you know your child better than anyone else and you know when something is not quite right.

1.  When a child says a subject is boring or that he doesn’t like it, it often means, “I don’t know how to do it!”    You have two choices – teach your child how to do the work (not recommended!) or tell his teacher that he needs to review the lesson ( most recommended).

2.  Messy schoolwork. OK, no one produces neat work every time but if your child’s work is always a mess it means that he has a problem. He may have some fine motor development issues, or he may not be listening to what he has to do, or he may be trying to disguise the fact that he can’t do the work.  You need to discover the cause and apply the best solution.

3. Homework avoidance.  No one likes doing homework but if your child keeps coming up with excuses for not doing homework you need to know why.  There is just the outside chance that the work may be too boring  – but it is more likely that he or she avoids doing homework because it is too hard to do.  You need to find out WHY the homework is too hard.  Does your child know what to do? Are the instructions clear?  Has he learned what he needs to be able to do the work? Find out WHY your child avoids homework – you can always ask him, right? – before you start nagging or his homework for him!

4.  Doesn’t like to read.  This is a hard one because most young people would rather listen to music than read a book.  That said, you know whether your child is not reading because he doesn’t want to or because he finds it hard.  The ability to read well is a prerequisite to learning – even in this day and age – so if you have a child who is a reluctant reader you need to find out why and do something to halt the process.

5. Missing books.  Children who never have the right book, or who forget books at school when they need them at home are avoiding having to do their work.    You need to find out why this is happening – could be many reasons, work out which belongs to your child and then fix it.

6. “Teacher didn’t tell us how to do this” – This usually means I didn’t understand the lesson.  See #1 above.

and #7 and perhaps the most important tip of all….

7.  Go with your gut.  If you think that your child has a problem then the chances are that he does. In all the years that I have been working with parents I have come to respect their gut feelings – even when they can’t put their concern into words.  If you are concerned about your child – do something about it NOW, and don’t be put off by people telling you that it is ‘only a phase’ or that he will ‘grow out of it’. It may be too late to correct the issue by then.

Being aware that your child is struggling to learn is the first step in getting him the help he needs at the time he needs it.  Please, please, I beg of you, for the sake of your child, DO NOT IGNORE THESE SIGNS!    I have seen too many children start to lose confidence in their ability to learn and I know how slippery this slope can be.

Only YOU can stop your child’s slide.  You have to advocate for your child.  If you notice any of these signs, your child needs you,don’t let him down.

As we waited in line to get on the ferry from Vancouver Island to the Mainland this weekend we were told that all ferries had been cancelled because of the weather. We had to rethink what we were going to do, just like you have to do when how you are supporting your child’s education is not getting you – or your child – anywhere!

You now what I mean: when you get frustrated and angry because your child doesn’t seem to listen to you or doesn’t want to take your advice, or when your child starts to think that learning is hard and that they don’t want to do it!  These are just  couple of signs that indicate that the way you are trying to help your child just isn’t working. And just as we had to rethink our strategy to get off the Island you have to rethink the way you are providing support to your child.

When I see parents trying to help children in ways that just don’t work I get upset.  I get upset for the parent but mainly I get upset for the child who is missing valuable learning experiences.

And this situation is so easy to get right.  It can be so easy for parents to provide the type of support their child needs in the way that their child needs it  and to avoid all the frustration and lost opportunities that come from parents doing the wrong thing and not taking the time to rethink what they are doing.

Too many parents rush to provide their child with tutoring or extra homework, or even to buy them more workbooks without taking the time to understand what support their child needs.

The result? Parents waste time,money and effort and their child is not better off than before. In fact the parents may even be stopping their child learning rather than helping their child learn.

So, if you think for a moment that the support you are offering your child might not be working, or might not be working as well as you expected, then it is time for you to rethink what you are doing.

The good news is that when you discover what support your child needs the chances are that it will be easier and cheaper to provide and that the benefits your child receives will increase as a result.

You know if you need to rethink how you are providing support.

I am here to offer you advice and encouragement to do so.

Don’t wait too long.  Make sure that you and your child catch the ferry and get home safely!

If I had a dollar for every time a child told me that he was bored I would be quite rich by now.  Saying “I’m bored!” is a child’s way of telling you that something is wrong, that something is not working, and you need to do something about it.

Children should never be bored.  Part of them dies when they are bored.  Children  who say they are ‘bored’ are not children who are learning.

So why do kids say they are bored?  They might feel bored – even say that the work they have to do is boring – here are just some of reasons children can be ‘bored’.

* The are not motivated to do the work

* Can’t do the work they are asked to do

* The work is too easy for them

* They don’t think they can do the work

* They have lost the resources they need to do their work

* They don’t like the teacher

* They are hungry and/or tired

* They don’t want to look like a nerd

All are good reasons for saying that work is boring. But you need to take action to get your child back to learning. Let’s look at the reasons children say they are bored and what you can do about them.

* Children are not motivated by the work they are asked to do

This is a tough one.  It can be hard to motivate a child who has no interest in the work he has been given.  Try talking about why he has to do this, about what this work will lead to down the road, about why the teacher is asking him to do this work.  If you can’t come up with answers that make sense to you or him it is time to talk to your child’s teacher.

* Can’t do the work they are asked to do

If your child can’t do the work you have two choices.  Either help him learn how to do it or tell the teacher and get the teacher to reteach the lesson.  I suggest you do the latter unless you know exactly how to help your child learn how to do the work.

* They have lost the resources they need to do their work

Kids forget stuff.  Set up a system for him to check that he has all the books he needs to finish his homework.

* They don’t like the teacher

Find out why he doesn’t like his teacher, then either tell him to get over it or go to school and do something about it.

* They are hungry and/or tired

This is easy to fix!

* They don’t want to look like a nerd

This is a problem of our age – being bright is not ‘cool’.  It is easy to get this one wrong.  You have to find a way to make good marks ‘cool’.  You might have to go with bribery!!

Whenever your child tells you he is bored you should start to see red flags.  Children don’t tell teachers they are bored, not if they want an easy life, so it is up to you.

You have to discover why your child is bored and do something about it before he misses out on the learning he needs.

I love talking to parents about their child’s learning but it took me by surprise when I realized that some parents actually set their child up for failure rather than success.   And they get what they ask for!

I know that all parent want their child to succeed and will do whatever they can to help but it shocks me when I hear parents ay things such as…

“I know he can’t do math, he’s just like his father was.”

“Her reading is not very good, that’s why she gets low marks.”

“He’ll never amount to very much.”

” We know he is not as clever an his brother.”

When I talk to parents I try to be realistic but positive.  It used to be that my big concern was that I would have to tell parents that their child was not doing very well in school and that he or she needed extra help.  I used to dread the thought of that conversation.  It is never comfortable to be the bearer of bad news.

But I soon learned that the parents, rather than being upset by hearing that their child was struggling to learn, would be only too ready to agree with me and thought that their child was a poorer learner than he actually was.  Rather than having to tell them what their child could not do I always ended up telling them what their child COULD do.  I found myself defending the student’s abilities and mapping out a much rosier future than the one parents had for their child.

That’s when I realized that parents could set their child up for failure just by limiting the expectations they had of their child’s success.  And it is so easy to do that most parents don’t even know that they are doing it.

Do you ever think that your child cannot do something?  Do you ever think that your child will never get an A grade for homework?  Are you surprised when your child does well?

These are all signs that you may be setting your child up to fail.

Take a moment and think about your expectations then resolve to never limit your child’s success ever again.

I know how much damage low expectations can cause.  I was never expected to get into University – so I didn’t. Only much later did I get the degrees I needed to get the job of my dreams.

My parents loved me, but subconsciously they set me up to fail.  It took me years, and a lot of hard work, to break out of the mold of their expectations and achieve success.

Please don’t do the same to your child.

10 Reasons to Celebrate Not Getting Report Cards

(slightly tongue in cheek!)

 1.    Tress will be saved

Less reporting means less paper.  The forests thank you.

2.    Teachers are not worn out – and have more time to teach

I have known teachers take a sick day just to get report cards written.  Not having to write report cards means that teachers are less worn out and can spend more time and energy teaching your child.

 3.    You don’t have to work out what report cards really mean

Do you really understand your child’s report cards?  Honestly?  So what exactly does ‘not meeting expectations’ actually mean?

4.    You don’t have to have them re-read to you at parent teacher conferences.

Ah, parent/teacher conferences, where teachers often tell you what you already know and have read on your child’s report card.  Not having a report card saves you from this time wasting experience.

5.    You wont have to work out what your child’s grades actually mean.

When children get grades do you really know what the grade is for?  Chances are it is for test results and assignments they have done, but how many others in the class got a B?  Does it mean that your child is doing better than their peers or not?    Grades are not the only measure of your child’s success or failure.

6.     Students are not stressed out by what might be written about them.

Even the best students tend to freak out at report card time.  Now they don’t have to!

7.    You can talk to your child about the work they have been doing – and get their perspective on their progress

Don’t let your child off the hook completely.  Take time to ask him or her how well they are doing in school, what they have learned, what they enjoy doing and are good at, what they want to improve on next term.

And then listen to their replies.  You might learn something!

8.    It is a chance to ask schools for a better way to report on student progress.

Many teachers now send parents timely, up to date, reports on test results and learning issues using email or the school’s website.  This allows parents to make decisions about their child’s education immediately rather than having to wait.

9.    Take the opportunity to actually meet your child’s teacher to talk about your child’s learning.

Teachers are not writing report cards but they are open to meeting you.   You can set up a phone call or even a meeting with your child’s teacher to get the information you need.

10.  Chance to ask the questions you want, rather than the ones teachers want to tell you.

Parents tell me that they never have chance to ask the questions they really want answered; teachers are too busy, conferences are too tightly scheduled, several parents are in the room at the same time.  So now is your chance to talk to your child’s teacher on YOUR terms, to get the information and answers YOU need.

Call today to schedule a meeting with your child’s teacher!!!!

Dr Patricia Porter

http://www.leading2learning.com

You know that your child needs your support if he or she is going to succeed in school – but do you really know why you are so important?

Here – in reverse order- are the ten most important reasons why your child needs your support.

#10. Schools can’t do it all – I was a teacher and I know!

#9.  You make the difference between a child who is eager and 
ready to learn and one who struggles

and hates learning.

#8.  The research shows that 80% of your child’s success in school depends on you and how you help

your child learn.

#7.  You have a special relationship with your child and a special 
role to play in helping your child

succeed in school, a role that 
only you can fulfill.

#6.  You know your child better than anyone else.  You are often 
the first person to know when your

child needs extra help.  Trust your instincts!

#5.  You need to be an advocate for your child and make sure 
that your child the education he or she

needs and deserves.

#4.  You are the bridge between home and school.  You need to 
know what your child is learning and

the teacher needs to know 
about homework issues.

#3.  If children are going to reach their full learning potential 
children they need support from both a

caring teacher AND a 
loving parent.

#2.  Your child needs to know that you care about his education.  
Parental expectations are one of the

main ways to guarantee a 
child’s success in school.
#1. And the most important reason you should be involved in your child’s education is to ensure that your child LEARNS HOW TO LEARN.  If your child does not know this he or she will struggle to learn and will never get the grades they deserve of the life they want.

Want to know more?  Sign up (in the box at the top of this page) to receive  my weekly newsletter full of tips on how to help your child learn how to learn.

There are three questions all parents want to know about their child’s education but they never  get the information they need to form an answer.  Oh, teachers may think they are telling parents what they want to hear but what they tell them is not what they really want to know about.

I have worked with parents from all kinds of backgrounds and whose children go to all types of school, and despite their differences they all want answers to the same three questions.  The questions are not difficult – so why do teachers never give them a straight answer?

Let’s get to the questions first, then why teachers don’t answer them, then what you can do to get the answers you need.

The three questions all parents ask about their child’s education are:

1. How is my child doing in school?

2. How is he doing compared to others in his class/age range?

3. What can I do to help?

Let’s look at these questions in a little more detail.

1. How is my child doing in school?

This is a pretty open ended question that covers behavior, learning, attitude, social skills… a whole range of issues.  It is an opening question that any teacher should love because it means the parent is open to hear what the teacher has to say.

2  How is my child doing in comparison to others?

Every parent wants to know how their child measures up to other children.  They want to feel that their child is doing OK and if he or she is doing as well as the rest of the class they know they have no need to worry.  They really want to know if their child is falling behind in any way. Some parents may want to know how well their child is doing so they can have bragging rights – but in my experience this is a very small number.

3.  What can I do to help?

This is the most important question parents ask – especially parents of children who are falling behind in some way.  Parents need easy to understand strategies they can use with their children to help them catch up to the class norm.

All are easy questions to answer – so why do teachers rarely answer them?

Two reasons.

First, because they are afraid they will be judged. They are afraid that failure on a child’s part reflects on their ability as teachers.  No one wants to admit to failure and it is so easy to fail, or think that you have failed, as a teacher.

Secondly because they don’t want you yelling and screaming at your child because of low marks.  I think all teachers have some experience of being responsible for parents berating a child for poor results.  It is not fun – any relationship you have built up with the child is destroyed overnight.

So teachers are reluctant to give direct answers to your direct questions.

What can you do about this situation?

Do what teachers do, start any conversation by pointing out the good things that the teacher has done for your child – then bring in the ‘but’…..

A teacher is much more likely to give you the answers you need when he or she does not feel defensive or threatened and understands that you want the answers so that you know what you can do to help – not what you can do to your child!

Spelling is important. Good spelling not only shows respect for the reader it also demonstrates that children have mastered the skills that allow them to spell.

But what if a child is struggling to spell? What if your bright child consistently makes spelling mistakes?  What can you do to help?
First, you need to know WHY your child has trouble spelling.  Trust me, until you know WHY there is little point deciding HOW and WHAT you are going to do to help.

So, WHY can’t your child spell?

As most of you know I talk about the 12 essential skills children need to be able to learn, to be able to learn anything, anytime, anywhere. What skills do children need to be good at spelling?

1.  Physical skills

It goes without question that children need to be able to see words and hear the sounds the letters make – so let’s assume that your child has these skills and look at the higher order skills children need to spell well.

2. Emotional skills

Children who struggle to spell well may start to lose confidence and not to care about their work, but these tend to be secondary issues – they happen BECAUSE you child can’t spell and are not reasons why your child can’t spell.

So we are left with ….

3. Cognitive skills ( assuming that you have checked out your child’s vision and hearing!)

Children need to be able to link sounds to letters at first but then, very quickly, spelling becomes a pattern recognition exercise.  When you read you do not sound out every word, you recognize them, they become pictures in your head.  These pictures are created by groups of letters that you know and that make sense to you.

For instance – you learn that there is a difference between ‘site’ and ‘sight’  – not because they make different sounds but because the words ‘look’ different.

Children need to have developed skills of visual understanding – pattern recognition – if they are going to be able to spell well.

But having this skill does not always solve the problem.  Many children who are poor spellers have this skill but are not aware that they can use it to help them spell.  They try to use other skills such as memorization to help them and it just doesn’t work well.  There are far too many words to learn how to spell to be able to memorize them all.

Yes, reading more can help children ‘see’ more words but the problem is they never get to see several words with the same pattern at the same time so they never realize that it is the pattern of letters that is important.

Teachers don’t help when they set long lists of unrelated words for children to learn.  All a kid can do is to try and memorize them – a sure recipe for disaster.

The best strategy is to play the kind of games (it is always good to make spelling fun!) where you decide on one word pattern and see how many words you can find that fit that pattern.

For example – What words end in ‘ight’?  What words end in ‘art’ – (see how this can be fun?  I am sure that your child will come up with the ‘f’ word).

It doesn’t mater what pattern you use – just help your child understand that it is the pattern that matters – help you child develop the skill of visual understanding.  Once your child has this skill she can use it in a million ways.

Make life easier for you and your child, give him or her the skills that lead to success!

Last night I watched a documentary about young adults who are still living with their parents.  In Canada they are called ‘boomerang’ children because they keep returning home!

I know that here can be some good economic reasons why children want to live at home but most of the young adults shown in the program were staying at home because it made life easier for them.  One young woman with a child of her own admitted that if her mother didn’t do all the ashing, ironing and cooking she would never be able to manage.  So there was her mother ironing her granddaughter’s clothes as well as her daughters and talking about how hard it is for kids to go it alone these days.

Give me a break!  Since when has growing up ever been easy?

Parents are there not to stop kids growing up but to help them through the process.  And part of that process is learning to take responsibility for themselves and others in their lives.  The only way they can learn how to do this is by trying and failing and trying again.  That is the only way anyone learns anything.

When we stop allowing children to be responsible for their lives we are not helping them – we are not supporting them during hard economic times- we are not just waiting for them to find their own feet before they go out into the world – we are STOPPING them from growing up.

There should be a law!

Let’s put the blame where it belongs – not with the kids, they are right to take advantage of a good situation.  The blame lies with parents who are not letting children grow up, who are not letting kids get the learning opportunities they need to become adults.

And it is the kids who will suffer in the long run.  Oh yes, parents may be financially strapped as a result of supporting their kids but until the ‘kids’ learn what life is all about they will never be able to enjoy the things that adult life has to offer.

Being a parent means letting your child fail and learn through that failure.  It means being there to pick up the pieces at times and to celebrate at others.

Failing= Learning.  What more can I say?

I know that these parents mean well – but they are wrong.  Happy people are independent, fulfilled, responsible, caring, able to make their own future.  Staying in your parent’s basement is no way to get there!

I get more questions from parents about homework than any other topic and I know why, questions like…

“How long should my child spend doing homework?”

“Why does my child have so much homework?”

“Why does my child have so little homework?”

“How can I get my child to focus on his work?”

“What can I do when my child doesn’t understand waht to do?”

“What can I do when I don’t understand what to do?”

“How can I prevent my child forgetting books?”

“Why does my child leave everything to the last minute?”

and there are many people willing to give parents quick and easy answers.  I have to admit, when I was teaching I too was always ready with some quick fix that I thought all parents could use.  Since then I have learned better.

Let me tell you a story.

Mrs L was in tears when she told me that she couldn’t do it any more, she couldn’t spend three hours every night helping one of her daughters with homework.  She was exhausted, her family life was in shreds.

I discovered the skill her daughter was missing and gave her five specific tools to use. Now she spends 10 minutes a night on homework and has got her life back.

There is good news and bad news in this story.

First the bad news.  Sorry, but there is no one size fits all, quick fix, magic bullet that stops homework hassles.

Now the good news.  But there is only one reason children struggle to finish their homework, and once you discover what it is the homework hassle disappears forever!

The #1, ultimate, universal, reason children hate homework is because they are missing one of the essential learning skills that allows them to get it done quickly and well.

For instance..

If a child is missing one of the physical learning skills he needs (vision, hearing, energy, mobility) either because he has missed some sleep, not eaten dinner, or is trying to work somewhere with poor lighting and a lot of noise – homework will be a hassle!

Likewise, if she is missing one of the essential emotional learning skills (good attitudes about themselves, others, their work, the future) either because she does not have confidence in her ability to learn, or an understanding of her responsibilities or future prospects – homework will be  a hassle!

Lastly, if your child is missing one or more of the cognitive learning skills he or she needs (attention, understanding, processing, production) it will be impossible for him or her to know what to do or how to do it and – you’ve guessed it! – homework will be a hassle!

So, until you know WHY your child finds homework a struggle how can you work out what you can to do to help?  Oh sure, you can try all the advice and recommendations that are thrown your way on a regular basis but when they don’t work because they are not what YOUR child needs you are going to give up trying and your child is going to start losing confidence in his or her ability to learn.

So stop knocking yourself out trying to do all thongs you are told to do to help your child get homework finished and start discovering exactly what help your child needs – which learning skills your child needs to develop – then, and only then can you stop the homework hassle and start getting your life back.