The biggest issue parents face is helping with homework. The stress on both parent and child can be enormous. So it made me so mad this morning when I read the advice that one blogger gave to parents.
This blogger said that parents should not let children get away with not doing homework they found too hard! She said that parents should make sure that their child does the homework assignment, even when they don’t know how to do it!!!!
This is SO WRONG!!
Let me tell you why – as I try to clam down….
1. If your child does not know how to do schoolwork it is not up to you to show them. That is the teacher’s job, make sure that the teacher knows this and does her job well.
2. The stress this outs on a child is enormous. He or she will quickly lose confidence in their ability to learn.
3. Kids will come to hate homework. Not that any child likes it but if a child is made to do something they cannot do they are going to do their best to avoid doing homework in the future.
4. Parents are not trained teachers ( and if they are, they have a different relationship with their child than with a student in class). Would you be happy knowing that your child was being taught by someone who wasn’t trained and didn’t know what they were doing?
5. The stress on parents is too much. Trying to get your child to do something they can’t do is not fun. Deliberately hurting your child is not what you are supposed to do!
6. The relationship between you and your child is sacred. But this homework situation is putting it under enormous stress and likely to cause it to break down. No homework assignment is worth risking this relationship.
7. How is the teacher gong to know that your child can’t do the work if you force her to complete it somehow? How is the teacher going to know that she needs to reteach that piece of learning?
8. If your child does not have the opportunity to relearn what he or she does not know they will be starting on a downward spiral of not knowing, they will gradually fall more and more behind.
and so on and so on……
What can you do in the situation where your child can’t do a homework assignment?
1. Ask your child why he or she is struggling to do the work.
2. If your child tells you he doesn’t know what to do – offer a couple of simple hints.
3. If your child still struggles, agree with your child that he probably does not know how to do the work and that is OK because you will make sure he learns how.
4. Tell your child’s teacher about the problem – a phone message is better than a hastily written note.
5. Follow up to see what the teacher is going to do about it.
6. Ask the teacher if there is anything she would like you to help with.
7. Tell your child that you are proud of him for trying to do the work and that you will be even more proud when he has learned how to so it.
Phew! I fell a little better now. I HATE it when we ask our kids to do things they have not been taught how to do. I HATE it even more when we ask parents to take on the role of the classroom teacher – they have a much more important job to do in helping their child learn. Let’s make sure they have the space and the knowledge to do it.
About PatriciaPorter
I had this problem with homework since my 1st child started kindergarten he is now going to 4th grade, but I use to send the teachers notes and their response was always blaming my child, he is not paying attention, or not being responsible, or many others, so I had to end up teaching my child and then became a habit. If I didn’t do it because I was too busy or could not handle the stress any more, I have 3 kids him being the oldest, so he will do bad in the test.
Now my last baby is starting kinder this year and I don’t want to go thru the same thing my body is giving up on me because of my stress level and my kids hate school and homework.
I love your news letter is like you are taking directly to me.
Thank you.