Are you stopping your child learning?

The most important learning skill you can help your child develop is responsibility, responsibility for their own learning.  But concerned parents often subconsciously prevent their children developing this vital learning skill.

You know how it works.  You want your child to do well so you encourage him or her to work hard, to complete their homework on time and to do extra reading.  It is all for a good cause- or so you think.

But by watching and checking on the work your child does you are probably preventing them from learning the most important skill the need – you are preventing your child being responsible for their own learning.

Let’s get something straight – you are not going to be around for the whole of your child’s life and you are not going to be able to make sure that they do all their work and do it well.

I know, I have seen the photographs of parents sleeping in the gym on their child’s first day of university, and I have had to tell parents that they no longer need to come to school at lunch time to feed their young child. I know that these actions are spurred by concern and love, and I understand the anxiety a parent feels when their child, their precious one, is suddenly in the hands of someone else.

But children have to grow up.  At least, you hope that children grow up, that is their primary job and there is not much that you can do to prevent it happening.

There comes a time – and that time is pretty early in a child’s learning life – when children need to take responsibility for their own learning.  That means suffering the consequences of messing up, of not doing the work, of failing.  That is why it is better to get this over with when the child is young and failure can be dealt with.

If you constantly watch your child, constantly try to check what he or she is doing, constantly try to stop your child making mistakes, constantly try to prevent failure, your child will never learn.

You are sending your child the message that you do not trust him or her, that they are incapable of learning without your constant support.

Your child will grow up thinking that he or she is incapable of learning, that they cannot learn on their own.  They will lose all their self confidence and, as a result, may even stop learning altogether.

I know that you are trying to do your best to help your child learn, but in fact, when you try too hard and stop your child taking responsibility for their own learning you are actually making things worse, you are preventing your child from learning.

If your child seems unmotivated, uninterested in learning, lacking in self confidence, and unhappy in school, it might just be because YOU are trying too hard!

Let your child grow up, let your child take responsibility for their learning, let them learn by making mistakes.

Or condemn your child to a lifetime of regret and missed opportunities.

Yes, it is that important that you get it right.

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