If you and your partner have different learning styles you probably disagree about ways to help your child learn. But there is something you can do about it.
A couple of friends of mine are discussing parenting issues -they have a new baby and they want to be on the same page as they bring him up. They want to make sure that this baby get all the opportunities they can give him to to learn and to grow. Fortunately they are in agreement about most things, and everyone seems to be getting along really well.
However, this is not the case with many parents that I meet.
I have learned to always ask to speak to both the mother and the father when I am finding out about a child’s education and learning. Often there are differences between how a father sees a child and how a mother sees the same child. What can seem to be a problem to the mother may be seen as just a ‘stage’ the child is going through by the father. What is causing a mother to be concerned may be quite different from why a father is concerned about a child.
It is always interesting when this happens. I know that these differences can cause issues within some families and I am often asked to mediate between parents when one is concerned about a child’s education and the other thinks that the first parent is just making a fuss.
Usually there is some truth in what both parents believe. What interests me is why two parents can have such different views about the same child.
It all comes down to style. Parents have different styles when it comes to helping children learn.
For example, recently a mother told me of her concern about her son’s learning. She told me that her son was quite bright and always did reasonably well in class. She had no real reason to worry about his grades but she was concerned because he never seemed to take time to do his homework properly and when she tried to help it usually ended up with them having a row.
I asked her what happened when her husband offered to help her son with homework. She told me that her husband hardly ever helped with homework because he felt that the boy was doing OK and did not need help. She started to complain that if it was not for her trying to help her son he would get no help at all. Obviously this was beginning to cause problems in the family.
We talked for a while about different learning styles and it was soon apparent that this Mom was a logical learner who was very organized and took a structured approach to her work and life. She readily admitted that her husband was very different, preferring to let things unfold rather than trying to force things to happen. He knew that his son was doing reasonably well in school and had every confidence in his ability to work hard when required.
The parents had different parenting styles.
Both worked, both were very useful, both were very helpful to their child. However, the mother needed to realize that her husband’s way of supporting their son was just as valid as hers. She needed to accept that her son might not be a structured, logical learner like she was, he might learn in a different way, and her husbands style of support might be just what he needed some of the time.
Once she understood that differences in how she and her husband helped their son meant that her son was able to benefit from both types of support she calmed down and frustrations over homework help gradually disappeared.
What is your style? How do you try to help your child learn? Does it work? Do you get frustrated and upset when things don’t seem to work?
You might want to find out if your learning style matches that of your child.
It could make a temendous difference to how you interact around learning.
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