5 signs that what you are doing isn’t working

All parents want their children to reach their full learning potential. They want their children to be successful, eager students, able to benefit from the skills and knowledge of teachers.

Most parents are realists, they understand that teachers can’t do everything and that they need to support their child’s education. So, they find ways of helping their child learn, of supporting their child’s education. The main way they do this is through homework.

There are two aspects of homework. First there is the work that parent themselves give children. They usually do this by buying workbooks or educational games or software for their child to use in their spare time, or they may even design their own educational activities for their child. Then there are the extra programs that parents may enroll their child in, programs such as piano, dance, football, first language learning. All these are wonderful ways of providing children with extra learning opportunities.

The second type of homework that supports learning is the school work that is set by a teacher to be done at home. Parents support this type of homework in several ways. They may encourage (!) their child to get their homework finished on time and in a reasonable manner, and they may ensure that their child has all the books, paper, pencils and pens that he or she needs to complete the work. Some parents actually help with the homework itself, either giving their child tips on what to do and how to do it or – in some cases – actually doing the child’s homework for them!

Now, apart from actually doing a child’s homework, the ways parents support their child’s education are all good ones and they can all be very useful in helping children learn. While all these ways of helping children learn can work well, they do not all work well all the time.

In this article I describe some of the signs that indicate that the way you help your child learn might not be the best, and you might need to rethink how you support your child’s learning.

I have worked with parents for many years and these are the some of the signs that what parents are doing to help their children learn are not working, or are not working as well as they could be.

1. Trouble with parent/child relationship.
This is the first and most important sign that what you are doing to help your child is not working. When you and your child start to argue about homework, or the time your child spends playing video games, it is time to rethink your strategies. There is no way that helping your child learn should cause problems with your relationship with your child. If this starts to happen, and you and your child start to display some of the signs listed below, then stop what you are doing immediately and find a better way to get your child the help he or she needs. Your relationship with your child is very precious, and learning within that relationship should be fun and exciting. If this is not the case, beware,because you are probably doing more harm than good.

2. Frustration
This is often the first sign that something is wrong with the way you are helping your child. I have seen this so often. Parents try every way they know to help their child learn, yet their child still doesn’t seem to get it. It is easy to think that he or she is lazy or stupid or that they just don’t care enough to do it right.

The problem is not that your child cannot, or will not learn, the problem is that the way you are trying to help her learn is just not working.

3. Anger
This is often the result of a long period of frustration. It is often the child that gets angry first and may even refuse to do any homework or to even talk to you about school and what they are learning. Sometimes the anger is turned onto themselves. I have worked with children who believe that they are too stupid to learn, or have said that they were gong to kill themselves because they could not learn!. When this happens parents naturally get upset and scared.

Just remember that anger is a progression from frustration. Children get angry when their frustration at not being able to get the help they need, boils over. Parents get angry when they think their child id being lazy and not trying.

At this stage it is important to recognize the anger and to work out where it comes from so that a new approach can be found.

4. Delaying tactics
Children are very good at this, in fact they are masters at finding ways to get out of doing something they don’t want to do. I am talking about something more than the occasional late start to doing their homework, I am talking about a child who consistently puts energy and skill into finding new ways to avoid doing their work.

Some of the many delaying tactics I have seen are: forgetting books; not copying assignments into an agenda; having to do something before they can start on their work; calling friends; feeling, and even getting, ill; losing pens and papers; and putting everything off until the last minute.

Everybody delays things sometimes, when you child does it continually, and spends as much time thinking up a delaying tactic as doing their work, there is obviously something wrong with either the way you are providing help or the way they are trying to learn. Time to review what is going on and find out what support your child needs.

5. Lack of interest
This is a stronger case of the delaying tactics mentioned above. Children love to learn. Even the seemingly jaded teenager loves to learn when he is interested in a subject and it is taught well. So, when your child stops being interested in learning you need to know why. Rather than trying to ignite interest when it is not there, you need to revisit the type of help that you can give your child and make sure that what you are doing addresses the problem.

Please, before the relationship you have with your child becomes damaged, check for these signs and do something about it before a small difficulty becomes a major problem!